50 Shades of Gray Matter: Book 1 (The Swordsman Series)

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Book 4 is free this weekend! **Book 5 and the complete series in one volume releases Friday, 10.19.2012** Details at humor author Pat Connid's website, PatConnid.com.**
*"Outright hilarious..!"Karla, Goodreads.com *"Must read! It was so funny, not your typical zombie book!" -- crazyt*"Disgusting, funny and almost brilliant... Well written and funny, the lead character is unforgettable!"--Tim Phillips
This is BOOK 1 of the five-part trilogy, 50 SHADES OF GRAY MATTER.
50 SHADES OF GRAY MATTER
(or How I Nearly Stopped the Zombie Apocalypse with an Erection)

a semi-erotica, zombie apocalypse story


Excerpt From Book 1

Ultimately, I think it was the traffic that got to me.
To be blunt, zombies can't drive.
And, I live in Atlanta-- people here started off being really, really crappy drivers. And adding in the effects of ZBF [zombie bird flu]-- the blurred vision, inconsistent eye-hand coordination, and a cerebral cortex shriveled like Hitler's testicle on an Arctic expedition-- you've got a traffic jam that encircles the city, cuts through the city and clogs up most streets downtown.
Yet, while it was the 24/7 bumper-to-bumper traffic that put me over the edge, I have to admit, it's really the globe-wide traffic jams-- with undead motorists honking, growling, and giving whatever fingers that might be left to other zombie motorists-- that have allowed the few remaining uninfected to avoid, so far, being summarily attacked and eaten.
Many of them, the survivors, I understand, have gone to Canada.
Think of how that must frustrate the Canadian tourism industry to no end! All those print ads and broadcast campaigns about skiing and fresh air and "darn good fishing"?
What a waste! Turns out, they had it all wrong.
Here's your big winner: "Come to Canada. Zombies don't like winter."
So, then, what about those of us who are no longer pure human? We must ask ourselves, we who have begun "the turn," What's our future like?
Okay, there isn't one.
That's the thought that led me to a local pharmacy-- drunk and infected, already starting to turn, and seeking enough painkillers to punch my ticket for the way out. I was nearly undead and wanted to die.
But, it didn't turn out that way.
It didn't turn out that way at all.

50 SHADES OF GRAY MATTER is parody, using the elemental themes of the popular erotica series and combining them with the impending zombie Apocalypse.

As the narrator has, in point of fact, been infected by the ZBF (zombie bird flu) and is

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